Angels and demons--

orien @ 2005-10-07T10:26:00

2005-10-07T14:26:01Z

Just what we need.

http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/10/07/newyork.subways/index.html

Crossposting for a friend.

2005-09-02T23:37:32Z

I know several people on my f-list are trying to donate clothing. If you'd like to give directly to a surviving family instead of filtering through an organization, I know of someone whose family has lost all of their possessions.

From bud_blooms:

This is really important. A good friend of mines family just escaped New Orleans and have nothing. If anyone has girls clothes size 14+ or any extra womens clothing size 10-14 and would be willing to donate it I'd really appreciate it.

My friend Sandy's sisters and kids will be here in Seattle in a few days and they have nothing left. No clothes no nothing. Anything anyone could spare would be great.

If you have anything at all please email me at weebeasty AT myway DOT com.

Thanks.

Also two of her step daughters are still missing:

Child's name~Ta-Tanya Williams
DOB Feb 8,1990
Her mothers name~ Tranette Williams
Fathers Name~ Raymond Rochon
Home address ~was in Iberville Housing development

Child's name~Antoinette Fairly
DOB May 26,1992
Mothers name~Tiffany Fairly
Fathers Name~ Raymond Rochon
Antoinette's Grandma Gwendolyn is in a Wheelchair to Diabetes

If you can help or know anything please email me right away thank you.

To make this easier please email me at weebeasty AT myway DOT com

Requiem.

2005-08-31T22:46:27Z

move in circles
walk on lines
no human being in sight
calm the winds and calm the seas
try another kind of peace
who fights this holy civil war?
a million men in uniform
wo ist der führer der mich führt?
ich warte immer noch!

and god is on your side
dividing presence from the history
watching all the time
dividing deaf men from the listening ones

leave a light on in the night for me,
that I can find you

Thank you, Michael Stipe.

2005-07-10T08:35:59Z

I feel great.

I lied to save your feelings.

orien @ 2005-06-05T04:36:00

2005-06-05T08:36:09Z

http://www.dolfilms.org/thegift/

In 2002, close to 80,000 New Yorkers were known to be living with HIV or AIDS.

orien @ 2005-05-08T10:42:00

2005-05-08T14:42:29Z

My friend was diagnosed with a kidney infection and acidic blood. They gave her fluids and antibiotics and sorted out her blood pH. She will stay in the hospital until the infection is under control, which may mean she'll come home today or tomorrow if things go well.

My friend is sick.

2005-05-08T01:35:10Z

My very best friend, Chimera, is very sick - she seems to have kidney stones, but she's throwing up the pain medication and may have to be readmitted to the hospital for both the pain and the dehydration.

The last two people I've been through something similar with could at least keep the pills down and drink water. At least if they readmit her, she can be put on an IV.

She's been readmitted and given an IV and antibiotics. The doctors now think it's a kidney infection.

She lives in Texas, and answers to the name Chimera anyway, so there are your hooks. Unfortunately, I don't have any pictures.

Please send whatever your paradigm allows for: healing energy, prayers, good thoughts, etc.

I love her, and I'm very worried.

orien @ 2005-05-02T16:16:00

2005-05-02T20:16:19Z

Do any of you know how I can find either the advertisements themselves or the names of the models in the 2004 Summer/Fall Macy's ads?

I'm specifically looking for a curly haired blond guy that was on an ad on the side of a bus stop near Kudo Beans in the east village around August and September.

I'm fairly certain it was Macy's, at least.

Meh.

One of the great Livejournal blanket statements.

2005-04-01T20:09:01Z

If I am languishing on your friends list solely because you fear some sort of drama or retribution for unfriending me, please go ahead and do so.

I have no interest in either drama or retribution, and I want to believe that the people who read this only read it because they truly enjoy the way that I write or because they like me.

Christmas Baphomet II

2004-12-13T14:42:24Z

There is a house near the train station with a large lit thing that, if one faces it from the correct angle (directly or slightly to the left), is obviously meant to resemble a shooting star. However, from any other angle and particularly the entire time of walking up the street (the direction of a large amount of foot traffic on that street), it looks like the sigil of Baphomet.

orien @ 2004-11-10T22:57:00

2004-11-11T03:58:06Z

The universe has been good to me this week.

I am very grateful.

orien @ 2002-12-02T12:43:00

2002-12-02T17:39:09Z

Okay...
Just a little pin prick
There'll be no more-- ahhh!
But you may feel a little sick
Can you stand up?
I do believe it working-- good
That'll keep you going for the show
Come on, it's time to go

There is no pain; you are receeding
A distant ship's smoke on the horizon
You are only coming through in waves
Your lips move, but I can't hear what you're saying
When I was a child, I caught a fleeting glimpse
Out of the corner of my eye
I turned to look, but it was gone
I cannot put my finger on it now
The child is grown
The dream is gone

orien @ 2002-07-13T00:09:00

2002-07-13T04:21:11Z

If you've been around here for any period of time, you have probably seen me make mention of the assortment of people who, for lack of a better term, seem to live in my head. A more politically correct way of looking at it would be to say: the people who experience this reality through my body.

I'm probably going to end up discussing them quite a bit over here in the future (maybe not, but I'm speculating) for the benefit of some other lj friends who are in the same boat. Topics of conversation regarding them tend to be anything from silly to extremely serious, and almost all of it is very "out there." I can't give you a good example off the top of my head, but the blood and earrings thing from yesterday would be one. Only more detailed because I'd be worrying less.

If you'd like to read this sort of thing and think you can manage to be reasonably respectful towards me/us in the process, reply to this post and I'll put you in a friends group.

I don't usually make friends only posts, but this is something that's very important to me and it's not something I feel like dealing with ridicule about. I have never minded questions or comments about things as long as the person making them can be kind about it. Telling me that I'm crazy doesn't benefit anyone.

So that's why I'm making this offer. I don't want to force it on anyone (even though, yes, this is my journal), and I want to be, at least somewhat secure in the knowledge that the people I'm talking to want to hear about it.

orien @ 2002-07-12T15:45:00

2002-07-12T19:56:40Z

Last night (today for all you normal humans -- it's bright and too early in the morning for me right now), I was treated to an incredibly bad dream that involved far too much pain.

A small child was either possessed or was a demon itself.

I had been sleeping, I think, and I was only wearing a shirt when I came out of the room I was in. It (the demon-child) was upset, crying, and laying on the floor. I picked it up to try to make it feel better, because I seem to have some sort of deeply buried maternal instinct. It put its arms around my neck and then proceeded to do terrible things to me.

It had something that was sort of a rectangular box, about two inches long, with rounded corners. It was wrapped in what felt like butcher's paper. The demon-child tried to put this thing in my ass. I kept wrenching it away from me, but it would come back and try again. There was stuff all over the box but I couldn't tell what it was.

I recall also it standing by a window and smiling in a very eerie way at me. Think of something that would belong in a horror movie: possessed child, smiling. But I can't remember the rest of the details. The thing was still small enough to be in diapers. I don't know anything about children, but I'd say it was about the size of a two or three year old. Finally, it hurt me enough and disturbed me enough that, when it was trying to crawl on me and put this strange box inside of me, I hurled the child away from me and believe I either severely injured it or killed it.

That wasn't even the bad part of the dream.

Then later, I started to hurt. I felt a strange sensation down there, but tried to ignore it. I was sitting on the edge of a bath tub trying to have a conversation with Bill when I noticed that something was crawling on me. They looked like spiders. Big spiders, but with only four legs or so. Bill started pulling them off of me, but their legs had sticky pads on the end, almost like a tree frog's, and they were attached to me like they were superglued. When he pulled them off, it hurt so much, but it hurt more to have them on me. It was itching and burning and I was crying. He pulled off a couple of them, the ones he could see on my pussy. It was some sort of really bizarre STD that the child had given me from the box. Like crabs only much, much worse.

I thought there were only a few and we could get rid of them, but then I noticed that there were eggs and larva and that they were developing rapidly.

I tried to pull one off and all I succeeded in doing was pulling off two legs. I sat down and was crying very hard. I was, by that time, in too much pain from these things to even think clearly anymore. And they were concentrated around my ass, which is just an awful place to hurt.

I needed to go to the doctor. The idea of trying to explain that a demon-child had tried to ram a box in my ass and had therefore infected me with this was too terrible to think about.

I, still crying, tried to tell lilliane that I needed to go to the doctor. I was outside a strangely ramshackle house in a place that looked like Tennessee. I was standing near the mailbox which looked like an old fireplace or a kiln. She got mad at me for wanting to "waste more money".

Then someone came by with an ice cream truck, and I had gotten a bunch of old Roman coins from someone else, and I was going to get ice cream, but these Roman coins were too wonderful to spend on anything. They were bright, shiny, new. Gold and platinum.

I imagine this is all leftover guilt for getting a yeast infection about two weeks ago and having to have medicine bought for me.

My other remembered dream was something reasonable and simple, something to do with pictures I was making or had drawn of Gabriel. A bunch of pictures on a wall and I was looking at them and he was saying something about them, but I can't remember what. It was like my subconscious said, "Okay, now that I've tortured you, I'll let you dream about something you like."

orien @ 2002-07-12T00:50:00

2002-07-12T05:01:47Z

I'm not sure what is wrong with me tonight. I'm anxious and depressed, jittery, distracted, and feeling like I could start crying if provoked.

Bill immediately said it was hormonal, then suggested that I was not sleeping enough or getting too hot. Then he repeated for the thousandth time that he would really like to have a week where nothing went wrong.

I think that made me feel worse. And stupid for bothering to say anything.

It's the same sensation, this combination of emotions, that makes me feel like hiding inside something very small. Compacting myself until I feel safe. I used to get inside of cardboard boxes when I was little, but I was a tall child and that didn't last very long. When we bought new appliances and I could get inside the box for the stove, I was beyond happy until my mom got rid of it.

I want to be writing, but I haven't had very many ideas lately. The other thing that needs to be done is some sort of work on my page. I have a bunch of pictures that I never bothered to put up, and I have all of my drawings. Plus the information on the rest of the people here. I've been putting that off for far too long.

I keep meaning to write detailed biographies but I think I'm afraid of it. Partly because I don't like pinning someone down into a group of words and partly because I don't want to be the one writing it. There are things, anyway, that say more about someone than the best biographical sketch. I want to have those things there instead. But I haven't found any.

And I found myself, as I was in bed, seeing pieces of things and realising that I rarely see entire pictures of anything. I mentioned it once before in a reply to a post by someone else, that I tend to remember pieces of people. It's hard to draw someone when you're trying to put them together out of pieces, like a collage.

I could probably describe in great detail, something like a left hand, but would be unable to sketch out, word-wise, an entire person. It frustrates me

My gums, on the right upper side of my mouth, above my front teeth and canine, hurt. Like I've scraped them on something, but I can't think of anything I've eaten that would have been so cruel to my mouth. It bled when I brushed my teeth.

Blood. How is it that I've never cut myself, but I could see and feel it, as if I had? And it was not so much a left hand, as a left wrist. And I saw the point of the knife digging in and down and the amount of blood that welled from the wound, almost black it was so dark, and onto the carpet. And the sensation that accompanied it. And then the commentary. And then he held it out to the other and offered it. The blood, the wound, the connection.

I can still feel it. I could draw the line down my arm. But not mine. It didn't hurt. It felt almost erotic. When I look at my skin, my still-whole skin, I feel disoriented.

And I wonder if this has something to do with my anxiety. The displacement I feel. Being anxious because reality is not lining up with what I know to be true.

Ah, now it's starting to hurt a little. To ache.

There is some significance with the left hand there. Being on the side of the heart, perhaps. I don't know. But everything important is left hand-related. Ornamentation always goes on the left side. I'm recalling some sort of earring that someone wore, something that was very important, like an symbol of office, but it's vague, too fucking vague. Long, dangly, silver, gem beads. Three or more chains. Green? Blue?

Makes me think of the Bajoran earrings because there's a piece attached to something other than the lobe, but it's... It's not at the top. It's at that... fuck, I need a picture of an ear.

Other people get sent out for sour watermelon ice. I have to take pictures of my ear.

Okay, here is where it is. It's got a thing that sort of wraps around the edge of the ear into that hollow. It seems to rest in the curved bit above the pointed part.

So, as far as I can tell, three silver chains of varying lengths with blue-green beads at the end and another chain going up to that part, and a silver ring or a cuff-like thing to attach it there. There's a specific design for the part in the ear lobe but I can't see it. I have the impression that the beads whack against the side of your head when you turn too fast and that it's annoying but that you really miss it when it's not there. The chains are probably two inches or so at the longest.

At least I was near something I could write on when I got hit with this. There are small, seed-bead sized, beads on the chain that goes up the side of the ear and that chain is kind of dangly, too. It's not tight. Same blue-green sort of color. They make me think of the way Earth looks from space. Little Earths.

Ah. That is attached in the right place. Certainly better than my picture. I really like that, too, for some reason.

But I don't know who this earring belongs to or what it means. That's the frustrating part about all of this. I think I'm supposed to, eventually, find a way to make this earring. What would I do with one earring? Like that?

Since I was 12 (when all this started), I've always tried to put only one dangly earring in my left ear. Isn't that interesting.

If the beads were blue, I would understand it better because I could attach it to someone, but, damn, who wears blue-green, teal? I can feel these beads resting against my cheek right now.

Now I have to find the type of stone because it's apparently something that exists here, too.

Someone's saying lapis... It's that color of blue.

Bingo: Azurite and malachite. And again.

I'm not really anxious anymore. Maybe I needed the distraction. Maybe they knew that.

Heh: "Deep blue with chunks of bright green, these stones resemble tiny planet Earths."

But they're small. Maybe 4mm? I'd have to see some beads for real to be able to tell. They're smaller than my 6mm rosary beads. Somewhat more green in them, too, I think, but those are very close.

This is my life.

Too many memories and none of them mine.

PS: it's a triangle. The part in the ear lobe, the stud part, it's a triangle.

A big triangle or a small one? Do the chains hang from it? It's fairly small, only a little bigger than the ruby stud in my ear right now, and it's not silver, it's some other metal, and he's saying the name of it but I can't translate it. But it looks silver. Shiny silver.

Equilateral, and the center of the triangle is empty, so it's just like an outline of a triangle, and it attaches at the top, that's where the post is.

In a perfectly windy sky...

2002-07-09T00:24:58Z

Sometimes I wonder which of us is cruel, or if we only survive through our mutual destruction of one another.

I love you.

I've come to understand that love is no salvation and that it, in fact, never was.

Oh, fine...

2002-06-25T15:27:06Z

ORIEN is an XML-based server technology
Orien is Evil with a capital E
Orien is someone who always likes to pass.
Orien is the last of the three Harris brothers that leave a legacy to Newark High School football.
Orien is a fine artist with exceptional talent in oil painting and watercolors.
Orien is the fourth child, an actor, who has made feature films and national commercials.
Orien is Ka?'s roommate.
Orien is a man plagued with doubts, who learns that running away isn't the answer.
Orien is a wonderful hero, commanding and vulnerable at the same time.
Orien is the British transplant team coach.
Orien is one of those guys who doesn?t have to score to be happy.
Orien is the most liberal of the group, although very conscientious about his skin and his clothing, and he can be eccentric sometimes.
Orien is shredded by shards of ice.
Orien is a bit skittish at first, and usually hides from those she doesn't know.
Orien is such a great guy for someone to fall in love with, and the story is to die for.
Orien is Buried at Creagleville Cemetery in Van Zandt County Texas.
Orien is plenty good at hide-and-seek.
Orien is the bad guy and Jade got them into this mess.
Orien is quick to defend his honor and has been known to fight with savage intensity-often biting his way to victory.
Orien is profoundly spiritual and gives generously to the poor.

Kill me, please

2002-06-02T03:39:23Z

Main Entry: 1wash
Pronunciation: 'wosh, 'w?sh, chiefly Midland also 'worsh or 'w?rsh

Main Entry: 1rinse
Pronunciation: 'rin(t)s, esp dial 'rench

Main Entry: 2tump
Function: verb
intransitive senses chiefly Southern : to tip or turn over especially accidentally -- usually used with over
transitive senses, chiefly Southern : to cause to tip over : OVERTURN, UPSET -- usually used with over

It's perfectly acceptable to worsh and rench your clothes now, provided you don't tump the basket over.

I could cry.

orien @ 2002-05-23T17:57:00

2002-05-23T22:04:41Z

There's a book. A little boy makes a rabbit out of dough and puts it in his pocket and goes to school. The rabbit gets all mushed up. The boy is sad. His father takes the rabbit and gets some more dough and rolls it all together and makes two new rabbits and bakes them so they won't get mushed up. Anyone else read that?

I can't remember the name, but I can remember all the illustrations. I'm too tired to try to google it up.

Rabbits.

Rabbits are so incredibly important to me. No one understands why. Neither do I, even, really.

orien @ 2002-04-13T01:32:00

2002-04-13T05:31:39Z

I was filling out an introductory survey.

Saying, quote or words of wisdom:

"My religion is loving-kindess." - the Dalai Lama
"I believe in peace, bitch." - Tori Amos

I suddenly understood myself.

orien @ 2002-04-12T03:44:00

2002-04-12T07:43:03Z

The old man
must have stopped our car
two dozen times to climb out
and gather into his hands
the small toads blinded
by our lights and leaping,
live drops of rain.

The rain was falling,
a mist about his white hair
and I kept saying
you can't save them all,
accept it, get back in
we've got places to go.

But, leathery hands full
of wet brown life,
knee deep in summer
roadside grass,
he just smiled and said
they have places to go to
too.

-- Joseph Bruchac, Birdfoot's Grandpa

The source of all life

2002-04-04T00:03:49Z

Happy Easter

2002-03-31T11:15:35Z

orien @ 2002-03-30T07:47:00

2002-03-30T12:52:15Z

The thunder rolled across the sky and a crow cawed in the distance.

My hair stood on end.

Hope for a better tomorrow

2002-03-30T00:05:52Z